When someone is searching for a soul mate/partner/spouse etc. they mostly look for people who have similar qualities to them. This way, they are more compatible, thus have more things to talk about, share similar interest, and tend to be passionate about similar things.

In this sense, I don't think that a couple must entirely be vegan or vegetarian to be in love. I do think that it helps. But the diet that you chose should not make so much conflict at the dinner table mainly discussing the indecision about whether meat should be kept in the house. However, you don't pick your significant other due to diet; you (hopefully) pick them based on characteristics that you admire. Hopefully you enjoy their charisma, personality, looks, etc. Their moral stanza is something different, you may not agree on ethics but it’s not your sole choice. Many people from different races, ethnicities, religion, etc. come together in relationships. They grow by challenging each other. As a couple, people develop views based on learning information. They do not solely accept their own view and declare it right. Couples are meant to challenge each other.

So do I think diet choice affects the relationship? No, I would not mind living with a meat eater. However, my mind is set on my own ways and I won't give up veganism for the sake of a relationship, nor do I expect my partner to change their ways for my benefit. Iwould encourage them to live a holistically healthy lifestyle which would limit the amount of meat that they eat, but I wouldn't enforce any ideas. 

What has helped my with this "open-minded" philosophy is that I live with my family, none of them are vegan or vegetarian for that matter. This has helped me grow as a persona and show respect and restraint for other people. If you value other individuals, you will learn to respect and value their beliefs. Not everyone is the same. For example, siblings raised by the same parents develop their own personalities and experience different things in life that shape them into the individuals that they become.

Veganism is essentially a lifestyle, not a diet. So to make someone change their lifestyle is difficult. You can incorporate things that will benefit your significant other; however,you are not going to change their daily habits.
Todays eats:
bf: 5-6 c papaya
two medjouls

snack: grapefruit

lunch: pear, baby carrots, mamey and banana smoothie
1 medjoul

dinner: fava bean soup (500ml), tomato

dessert: apple with pb and 4 dates

Cooked This Far

So far, I have ventured back to cooked foods and my experience has been pleasant. I have loved all the new tastes and textures. I also like that it has opened a new opportunity to eat more types of food as well as intake a wider range of nutrients. For some reason, I feel that my body was lacking severely in calcium and iron. I do feel better, somewhat happier.

However, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, its compromise (Maroon 5 anyone?). I am having trouble with my digestion (TMI warning) I used to "empty" my stomach completely in the morning so there was nothing in me and I had a relatively flat stomach. Then I would "go" an additional 2-3 times a day. So in total, I would have 3-4 bowel movements. At the moment, I just have one; when I wake and I go to the restroom, however I don't feel empty. I am aware that beans and grains take a long time to digest, however, I give myself 12 hours to digest and I don't flatten my tummy at all. I remain bloated though-out the day and it does cause me some concern.

It has been getting better, but it does cause some emotional trauma. I keep debating whether I should remain cooked or go back to raw. For the taste, smell, and texture of food I rather stay cooked. However, for a flat tummy, ease of digestion and simplicity I rather go back raw. But I figure, if I stick with cooked at least once a day, my digestion will adapt itself. After all I was raw for about nine months; I can't expect everything to be normal in less than two weeks.

I also feel that eating this way makes it easier for my family. Truthfully, we are saving money and we can share more produce; I don't have to worry about unripe fruit. I also haven't gotten bored. I love my "chili bean" recipe and it’s always good. Not like my papaya salad that depends on the flavor intensity of the fruit--which can ruin the whole meal if it isn't perfect.

I also don't feel as gluttonous (except right now, I ate waaaay to many pistachios yesterday and indulged in 2 Nature Valley granola bar-not honey-and I am paying for it right now). I don’t feel like I have to shovel food into my mouth just to reach my "pre-determined calories". I am learning to listen to my body and how to decipher a feeling of fullness. I also feel more liberated; I feel like I can walk into a restaurant and always find at least one thing that will satisfy me. I do feel more positive about the future.

I am now discovering the benefits of other foods; I have found that wheat bran and wheat germ in my morning smoothie helps with the bloating and regulation.

However, the "happiest" thing I get from a cooked vegan diet is the "allowance" and pleasure of eating/drinking something warm. I somewhat regret not transitioning in the winter. But right now I am enjoying my food. Since I have a trouble finding time to do everything with my schedule, I tend to make a crockpot full of soup once a week and eat that for the whole week for dinner with a potato or something. I actually don't get bored; I look forward and actually crave my meals. I can "barely wait" for my next meal because I am so excited or looking forward to it.

Hang out

As relatively young members of society, it is expected that we "chill" or "hang-out". I do pick to go and relax in a quiet atmosphere and I don't pick the typical spots as my fellow twenty to twenty-five year olds do. I hate clubs (well, truthfully I have never been to one), I know I won't like bars, and I don't go to your typical restaurants such as the Cheesecake Factory or BJ's.

When I go out to eat, I tend to go to a vegetarian friendly restaurant. I customize my orders to make them vegan. I tend to like cafe's and family-based establishments. I feel that it’s better to support local owners and friendly chain restaurants than to go to huge corporations that only care about their hungry investors than the people they serve. I also like the feel of these small places. They are not impacted with so many people that you can't even have a conversation for fear of misinterpreting what the other person is saying due to the loud distracting music. I also feel that the service and the people tend to be more friendly and authentic. They actually try to make small talk and ask you about your day. They don't try to rush you or fake their attitudes to try to get a bigger/better tip.

I also tend to go to the movies about once a week. When it’s cold out, this is my typical weekend spot because there is not much to do when it is raining. Movies do tend to provide a chance to escape reality and distract yourselves with a funny movie. I tend to pick comedies or drama movies. I don’t tend to pick horror; I don't do well with scary movies. I also don't really pick "stupid comedy" such as Friday, Scary movie, Bridget Jones, etc. Those movies tend to bore me since I don't assimilate myself with the typical audience.

Hiking is something that I enjoy yet don't get to do often. I have only gone a few times in my life, however, I have absolutely loved eat time I went. The scene and the experiences have been amazing, the scenery is breath taking and the air feels clean. Each time I went hiking I felt like I was one with nature, like I was actually a part of this wonderful environment around me. The only negative aspects that I got from hiking are that I got super tan. When I went back to school, I hardly recognized myself.

The beach is a wonderful and peaceful place to visit if it is not overcome by beer guzzling sociopaths known as jocks and sorority girls. While I am not a fan of cold water, I love the beach. I am seriously going to try to go as much as possible this year. I love when the sand is soft and clean (tar free please). The water from the beach has a type of rejuvenating power that leaves you feeling younger, happier, and cleaner (except for the sand that is now in your hair, shorts, and underwear).

Bowling/mini golf/batting cages: these are places that I don’t frequent to often but enjoy the as a special treat every now and then. I love having a blast doing random activities such as these. However, I don't like how crowded places like this tend to get.

My absolute favorite place to hang out is my "playroom". I love coming home on a Friday night to a bowl of popcorn or homemade banana ice cream and flipping on the teli to watch a movie with my family. It is one of the few times we are all together with ought fighting (mostly). I try my hardest to get my homework or other activities done and out of the way so I can enjoy the moment.

Very few people realize the importance of family these days. They don't value them as much as they should and it’s a problem. I still try to show my sisters that we are a family and that we should promote family unity. My mom always reminds us that we should protect and love eats other. We are, after all the most important things we have in each other's lives. I tend to take advantage of moments thief this because I never know when I will get them again.

What are your favorite activities?

Spring Break

This is the first week after spring break. I never told you guys how my spring break went, so I guess right now is the perfect time. Well, the first Saturday I had off, me and my best friend went to go watch Oz the Great and the powerful. It was an awesome movie; however, I didn't get to watch the whole thing because I had to go home.

Sunday was Easter; we had our family come over. It was really nice. The day was cold and gloomy, however it was quite fun. The plan had originally been to just have our immediate family there and enjoy each other's company. However, one of my mom's friend somewhat invited herself over. Then a chain reaction started and the neighbor also invited herself over and my cousin did as well. My mom then invited my aunt over and I invited my best friend. My best friend and I had to work; luckily we got out at 4pm. I left everything ready so I wouldn't have to worry about food. I woke up at like 5am to prepare everything to make chilI beans (you guys recently heard that I was obsessed with them). My sisters also wanted to make a pumpkin pie; therefore we made a huge homemade pumpkin pie. Of course, it being Easter Sunday and all, we were not going to skip church; we were there bright and early to find a spot to sit down. It seems like it’s one of the few days that people remember t their religious obligations.

Work was such a drag; I drank my smoothie breakfast and fasted for the rest of the day. I wanted to enjoy my meal with my family. I was awesome. We hid Easter eggs ate pie and enjoyed each other’s company. After everyone left, my best friend stayed to give my sisters an Easter Basket, it was nice (we also gave him a crock pot). Then it was off to bed, I was extremely excited because the next day I was going to get to start running again. I have missed it very much.

The next day (Monday) was exciting, I naturally woke up super early and then I went for a short 3.3 mile jog. It was still somewhat painful but nothing that I couldn’t handle. After, I got home I quickly started cleaning. The day before left plenty of dishes to clean up, which is the negative aspect of having people come to your house. This is why I somewhat get annoyed when everyone invites themselves over or stay late because I hate having a mess in the kitchen and playroom. After the house was decent, we went to downtown LA to buy my sister’s their first communion dresses. It was fun, I thought I was going to end up buying a bunch of things for myself; however I took $300 and came back with a pair of $20 shoes. My sisters and mother tend to ask for a lot of items. I did enjoy the day, after we got home we went for a walk and hung out in the garage eating leftovers and having fun.

Tuesday I went to the souplantation with my family and my best friend. It was nice and fun. When we got home, too stuffed to do anything, we played the harry potter game my sister got as a present.

Wednesday we a chill day and I didn't do anything besides clean and work on homework.

THursday I went to my aunt's house. We made a salad and cookies for my uncle and my mom made a lasagna for my aunt. My aunt cut my hair and I feel completely different. I feel like I look younger and it is a whole lot easier to fix in the morning. I actually feel like it matches my personality more than my dead blonde tips I had before. I spend the entire day at my aunt's home. It felt good because I am always working on the weekend and never get to visit or see her. Now that I had the opportunity, I enjoyed every bit of it.

Friday, it was back to work which is a drag but I invited my mom, sisters, and best friend to the movies and we watched The Croons which was such an adorable movie filled with adventure. I loved it absolutely. I think I would go watch it again if I had the opportunity. It was such a nice thing to do with the family.

Saturday as my typical saturday. This time, instead of going out to the movies, we went to Long Beach. It was really nice and the sand was soft and clean. I rather enjoyed it alot. After we went to the California Pizza Kitchen. I ordered a salad, but I honestly didn't enjoy it. I think my salads are better and more appetizing. Afterwards, we went to the $1 bookstore. They sell used books for a buck. I found some pretty good books including Stephen KIng, Dracula, and Eat, Pray, Love. I am so excited to start reading them all.

This spring break I didn't do anything fancy (I never do). However, I rather enjoyed it and was pleased to spend time with my family no matter how much they drove me insane the entire time.

Hope everyone else had a pleasant time welcoming this new season.  

Just for fun

Shit Fruitarians and 80/10/10 ers say

Carb the eff up!

I need more bananas

I only have one body of dates left

OMG! (Insert fruit) is on sale!

Who ate the last mango?

Frelea is so hot!

Durian Rider is amazing!

My burn tasted like papaya.

I have so much energy.

Yes, this is my eight bananas, geez.

Who does everyone stare when I go to the market?

Oh, no thanks, I’m vegan

Oh, no thanks, I'm raw.

Bananas and dates are love.

Mangoes prove that Mother Nature loves us.

You don't need much protein.

Keep your fat at or below 10%. It’s crucial!

Drink the eff up! 2 liters minimum!

Frozen bananas are like cheat food.

Omg, my naners aren’t ripe. How will I survive?

Who ate my dates?

Omg, that persimmon pie looks so good!

Why can't I live in Australia, I want tropical fruits.

Omg, I need to go to Woodstock

I want froodles

Ick, my tummy hurts, bad food combining.

OMG, Frelea's BAD strudel changed my life

eww, why is he drowning his salad with ranch?

Lemon is earth's natural dressing.

I’m undercarbed

Oh no, I passed my 10 pm bed time

Mega smoothie time

Materialistic people are so artificial

SUGAR!!!

*Spotty bananas* yes, lunch

Fruit feast time

I can soooo out eat any of you

I wonder what durian taste like

Man, this fruit is actually disappointing, I thought it was ripe

How can I make these ripen faster?

Heck yea! *insert fav fruit* season!

Beans!

Chili Beans

Lately, I have been eating a lot of beans. My first experience with beans was with chili beans. I quite enjoyed it a lot. I watch a show that comes from Great Britain called Supersize vs. Superskinny and every time they would show the food that people ate were “jacket potatoes with beans” which is essentially beans on a baked potato.

So to my introduction to a jacket potato was homemade chili beans without all the nasty animal products such as cheese or sour cream. I rather enjoyed it a lot. I served it alongside with roasted mushrooms and squash. I also ate a salad and roasted cauliflower. It has been one of my favorite meals ever since.

The thing I love most about this meal is the fact that it is super simple. I just load everything in the crock-pot and come home to a nice dinner in the evening.

Ingredients:

1.5 cups of mixed beans

1-2 boxes of tomato sauce

3 tomatoes

6 mushrooms

.5 cup of onion

Handful of cilantro

1 can of corn

1 bell pepper

Cook and then enjoy

Its actually kinda funny that I even write this since I didn't eat chili beans today. LOL

 Breakfast: 2 large oranges and 2-3 cups of grapes

+some jicama when making my sis' lunch

lunch: "Chinese salad" with homemade dressing

1 slice of mamey sapote

1 cup of rice milk mixed with wheat bran and wheat germ, 5 dates and cocoa powder

dinner: 1.5 c of beans, 1 bowl of mixed veggies (tomato, mushrooms, squash, onion, bell pepper)

1 slice of mamey

dessert: 1 apple, less than 1/2 c of pistachios, less than (1/2) cup of trail mix, 2 clementines

(like 5 pistachios and a few raisins and 3 "seaweed" snack sheets throughout the day)  

Monday after spring break

So I am currently sitting in class waiting for the teacher to begin the lecture. I am currently unhappy because we had an important part of our assignment due today and I feel that it's not quality work. I hate the fact that before the break was over; we all sat down and planned to have our rough draft online by Wednesday last week. However, some of the members of our group were flakes and didn't post their information until I reminded them. This was horrible, because I didn't get the chance to review the articles to make sure they were ok. It was honestly really bad quality work. I edited most of the sentences and it still doesn’t sound good.

This spring break wasn't the best but it wasn't bad. I had fun visiting my aunt, going out to eat, and running. I also watched Oz and The Croons which were both fantastic movies that I recommend to everyone!

Besides that, my day was actually good. I felt bloated though because I had a huge intake of food yesterday. I feel that I overdosed on “fake food” I ate two Nature Valley granola bars and I feel that the processed sugar got to me. I also feel that the sodium and poor food combining was a major source of the problem.

However, today is a new day and I ate well. I am going to try to post my food again.

Bf: 5-6 cups of papaya and 2 bananas

Snack: 1 mini box of raisins and 4 honey dates

Lunch: smoothie (2 bananas, 2 pears, 3 medjouls and 1ish cup of rice milk)

Snack: 1 mini box of raisins

Dinner: 1 large tomato, 1 large sweet potato, 1 bowl of homemade “habas” soup, 3 tbs of beans and 2/4 cup of apple juice

Dessert: 1 apple with 2 tbs of almond butter

college vegan

In the vegan movement, I often hear the complaint that it is very difficult to be vegan in college. I actually think it is a lot easier and a lot cheaper to eat this way. I remember when I was on the SAD it would cost me a lot of money to eat at home and eat out. One thing that helps (most people might say it sucks) is that you don't eat out often. Also, meat is super expensive and not that satisfying. Unlike natural plant products, they tend to go bad fast and you can’t store them for long period of times or bulk up when they are on sale.

The reason why people think that it is so expensive to be vegan is because

·    They fall into the trap of using “super foods” such as: chia, maca, goji berries, cocoa nibs, spirulina, hemp hearts, acai powered, etc.

·    Most importantly they buy any package alternative such as: soy cheese, soy yogurt, soy meats, non-dairy ice cream, “Vegan energy bars”, etc.

·    Also, something that I find very common is that people tend to associate “vegan food” with “organic food”. Why? I am not so sure about this one. I feel that people tend to think that vegans eat healthier food and associate organic food as healthy food thus they conclude that vegans eat 100% organic.

There is nothing wrong with eating all the foods listed above, however if you base your diet primarily off of these foods then you will run into financial trouble. The point here is to vary your diet. To be vegan is to eat food that was not animal-based or derived. It means to eat what the earth naturally provides for us. You need to find what works for you in this lifestyle, whether you base your diet on processed, super foods, organic, or even conventional natural produce. The price range will vary.

For example if you eat nothing but beans and rice and have a few pounds of lettuce, potatoes, and apples a month you are going to have a pretty frugal budget compared to someone who eats cocoa nibs, quinoa, raw okra, and exotic fruit such as durian, star fruit, and goji berries every day. However, both these individuals are still vegan. Their principles are the same yet the price range and the amount they spend on food are completely different.

I have actually saved money eating a vegan diet.

I remember, my friends and I would go out to eat at least once a week, eat food trip would be at least $7-10 on average a week. Let’s not forget the tip and dessert. This would either be ice cream or some frozen yogurt and would add another $5. In addition to my weekly food trips during school, I would also get the munchies in-between classes and head to the convenience store on campus (which sets the prices sky-high) and spend about $5-10 extra for snacks a week. All this was money that was additional to my weekly market trips and would actually be completely unnecessary as I wasn't hungry, just bored and wanted to munch on something. That is about $25 EXTRA that I was wasting on products that are generally placed in certain locations around campus for marketing purposes. These items that I was eating, are things that I wouldn't even consider food now a days.

So now what am I eating and how much am I spending?

This is where I might receive a lot of hate mail or bad remarks about my diet. I DO NOT consume a 100% organic diet. I don't even consume near 50% organic. For starters, it is expensive to buy a full organic diet as a starving student. Secondly, I am a Health Science student and recently we had a symposium discussing the importance of a fruit and veg filled diet. Soon we were discussing the importance of organic, it was stated that there wasn't very intensive research done discussing the importance of organic. However, they said that we should concentrate on eating more raw fruits and vegetables and less processed foods. They said that nutritionally, the values were not so different from conventional and organic. The main difference was the taste. Even conventional frozen or canned fruits and vegetables can be better than fresh (at times) because they are stored at their peak ripeness which means they are filled with their full potential nutritional value.  

So in my kitchen I tend to keep in stock:

·    Beans (small red beans, fava beans, chick peas, lentils, great northern beans, black beans, pinto, and Peruvian beans)

·    Rice (brown-may experiment with jasmine or wild rice in the future)

·    Nuts (pistachios, almonds, peanuts, cashews, and sometimes walnuts)

·    Seeds (sunflower, pumpkin, and sesame)

·    Dry fruit (prunes, apricots, apples, pineapple, DATES, papaya, cranberries and raisins)

·    Grains (qinuoa, cous cous, barley, wheat berries)

·    “super foods” (chia seeds, flax seeds, cocoa powder—I recently changed to carob powder)

·    Other: wheat bran, wheat germ, whole wheat flower, cinnamon, basil, pepper, salt, oregano, rosemary, oats, banana chips, pumpkin spice, canned veggies, canned pumpkin and almond milk.

So the ingredients listed above are always in stock and they can get pretty pricey. However, if you buy one item a week, it won’t be so bad. Also items such as beans and oats are dirt cheap and last a long time and are quiet filling.

So when I do go to the supermarket I tend to buy fresh produce. In a week I tend to consume:

·    1-2 heads of lettuce/green leafy vegetables (romaine, ice berg, spinach, cabbage, green lettuce, red leaf lettuce, and sometimes butter lettuce)

·    Potatoes (like 1-3 potatoes a week sweet potatoes are the best)

·    Apples (love my apples about 4 a week)

·    Pears (also about 4, varies from red pear, bosc, barlet)

·    Bananas (my family eats about 15-20 lbs of bananas a week)

·    Other fruits (depends on what is on sale I tend to buy grapes, peaches, nectarines, strawberries)

·    Celery (about 1-2 heads a week)

·    Tomatoes (I eat them like apples, I tend to go through 7-8 a week)

·    Cucumbers (too many to count)

·    Jicama

·    Lemon

·    Cilantro

·    Papaya (at least 1-2 a week)

·    Pineapple (when they don’t burn my mouth I eat about 1 a week)

·    Oranges

·    Orange juice (perhaps 1 quart if not fresh squeezed)

·    Grapefruit (about 1-2 a week)

·    Coconut water

·    Green onions

·    onions

Today I went grocery shopping, I spent a total of $90 this week. But keep in mind that I purchased items that I was running out of such as prunes, peanuts, flax seeds, and whole wheat flour. In addition to these items, I also tried these new “seaweed snacks” (they were OK). I also bought my sister cookies, honey, trail mix, and my mom (family isn’t vegan nor vegetarian) some ground turkey, taco shells, salsa, and tortilla chips. So if I wouldn’t have purchased these items I probably would have only spent $45. I also share my “supplies” with my family. Therefore, my expense is actually pretty cheap.

So imagine, if I wasn’t vegan, I would have also bought lunch meat, cheese, yogurt, etc and spent probably 20-40 dollars more.

Yes, I am quite frugal, aren’t I?

Cauliflower wraps:

So, my first introduction back to cooked foods was vegetables. Yes, how boring. But they were actually really good. They didn’t include salt and they were nice. I ate some with my mom’s homemade hot sauce (bad idea).

Back to the cauliflower wraps: they were quite simple (taste wise) for someone transitioning
back to cooked foods. They tasted really good with some guacamole. I ate some cold the next
day, and the flavor was enhanced (or perhaps its just that I was used to consuming cold food).

Ingredients: mushrooms, squash, onion, cabbage, and Mrs. Dash.

First, steam some leaves (whole) of cauliflower for about 5 min.
Steam all the other veggies
Then place the veggies in the cauliflower leaf.
You can either eat as is, or bake them in the oven for about 10 min with some seasoning.
Enjoy.

I think I might try this again with some beans or quinoa.

The whole experience made my stomach somewhat bloated. But at the time being, it wasn’t soo bad. I did get bad stomach cramps. I couldn’t even see my toes when I looked down because my stomach had expanded that much full of air. I looked like I was a few months pregnant. However, I am now eating raw foods pretty much the entire day, except for dinner.

Typically my meals are:

Breakfast = fruit

Snack: fruit

Lunch = fruit and vegetables

Snack: fruit

Dinner = cooked foods

Snack? = fruit or air popped popcorn

Back to the cauliflower wraps: they were quiet simple (taste wise) for someone transitioning back to cooked foods. They tasted really good with some guacamole. I ate some cold the next day, and the flavor was enhanced (or perhaps its just that I was used to consuming cold food).

Ingredients: mushrooms, squash, onion, cabbage, and Mrs. Dash.

First, steam some leaves (whole) of cauliflower for about 5 min.

Steam all the other veggies

Then place the veggies in the cauliflower leaf.

You can either eat as is, or bake them in the oven for about 10 min with some seasoning.

I think I might try this again with some beans or quinoa.

This was a picture of my whole dinner

It was the cauliflower wrap, a raw taco, and the papaya-corn salad (taco fillings).

Papaya-Corn Salad:

This included: tomatoes, mango, papaya, corn, celery, cilantro and lime

Taco time:

All wrapped up in a huge romaine lettuce leaf and topped with guacamole.

Eating disorders

Something that is growing extremely common in society is the high rise of individuals growing with eating disorders. I can first handedly say that it’s something horrible to talk/think about. I used to suffer from anorexia athletica. As in a previous post, my drive for perfection left me with a deadly disease. However, I got help before it spiraled out of control.

So first thing is first. I grew up as a fat kid. No, not chubby, not baby fat, I was classified as obese. I joke about it now, but reflecting on what was happening, it’s not a funny situation. I was letting myself deteriorate and was eating myself into a grave. I was an adolescent, never very social, I hated athletics. My favorite past-time was eating. I would race home from school and eat a full sized bag of Doritos and sit in front of the television and drown a 2 liter bottle of Coke for hours on end. I would eat everything that was considered bad; cupcakes, granola, ice cream, popcorn, sugar laden snacks. Everything that was sweet and gooey didn't stand a chance. I loved fast food. I looked forward to food.

Then in high school I started exercising. I dreaded "marathon Mondays" where we were forced to run the entire PE class time. That was torture; however, I started losing weight. When I started High School, I weighed about 175-180 (at a short height of 5' 2'' it wasn't good).I very slowly reached the weight of 155-160. It was exciting, I was getting compliments and I was feeling good. Slowly, I started cutting out chips and junk food from my diet. Don't get me wrong, I would still pig out on pancakes and pizza every chance I got, but those times became less frequent. I also started eating salads at lunch. Not a very healthy choice though--sure they had about 1-2lbs of veggies but they also had breaded chicken and were topped off with Ranch dressing. However, whatever I was doing looked to be working as I kept losing weight. By the end of high school I was surprised that I weighed around 136-140 pounds. This to me was soo exciting.

I started college at that same weight, I was pretty confident in myself because I though I was miss "hot stuff". I was getting thinner and I was getting more attention. When at uni, I joined the gym and was consistent in exercising. Nevertheless, I still had (what I consider now) a pretty rubbish diet. It was pizza, nachos, and frozen yogurt. However, I was happy.

The true struggle started around the start of my third year of college. My parents who have never been married by the church decided they were going to do so. So, the typical though that every girl has when a big event comes is, "I want to lose 5 lbs. for the wedding".

Ladies, why is it always five pounds. Why must we lose them? We are trying to celebrate who we are yet we are altering ourselves constantantly.

So I started to diet, it was an innocent gesture. My parents paid no attention to it because it was being taken in a healthy approach. I started researching dieting and exercising. I then discovered calorie counting. To this day I think that counting calories is what lead to my derail. I started off limiting my calories (this was the summer before my fall semester of my third year of college) to about 1500 a day. I was steadily losing weight. I was getting huge compliments from my friends and coworkers. I was receiving much more attention from males. I was soon building my self-esteem. That’s how it starts--you feed that little demon who lives inside of you. I have no idea how much weight I loss, however I was on the right track, yet I wasn't achieving the weight loss fast enough.

When school started, I stepped on the scale. I don't remember what that number said however, I don't necessarily think that I was pleased with it. Then I started going to the gym more often and restricting my calories more. Because I was at uni for long hours it was easy to let my disorder take control. I would often use the excuse that I had already eaten or that I was tired to get out of family meal times. It also made it easier to restrict my calories, as I was only eating about 1200 a day with intense exercise. I was still getting results, however I was sad that they weren’t coming fast enough. I was still being positively reinforced by my peers who haven't seen me in a while and were surprised and envied my weight loss.

I continued, I started to fuel the demon full time. Calorie counting started to consume my time. As ashamed I am to admit, I would spend countless of time thinking about calories and visiting pro-ana and mia sites. I then did the unthinkable; I started to force myself to vomit. Purging is one of the things that disgusted me the most; however it took the edge off of "overeating". I would be a love-hate relationship. I loved the feeling of binging; it gave me the liberty to eat whatever I wanted because I would know I would be able to get rid of it soon. However, when it was time to purge, I would often wonder why I ate in the first place. I especially hated when I ate difficult things to purge such as bread or chips. They would hurt extremely when I would regurgitate them and I always gave up half way. My breath, stomach, esophagus and eyes all were slowly deteriorating due to the pressure. It was horrendous, yet it was a difficult habit to stop.

So in order to save myself from these unpleasant moments, I would just not eat. I was living on 200-400 calories a day. Every day was a new game, seeing how much less (calorie wise) I could eat. I would wait until night time and consume my one lousy meal of a whole bag of baby carrots and consider it a day. I would stay up because I was an insomniac since I couldn't sleep. Often waiting it to be the next day, getting excited at the thought of breakfast time (I never understood why, I didn't allow my starving body to eat).

I was in constant pain. One day, I asked my mom to massage my shoulder, which required me to lift up my shirt. My mom saw my boney body and told me to stop. That I better start eating or that I was going to be in more pain. I was about 108lbs then. I agreed and told her I was trying to start eating again. Little did she know that I still planned on losing more weight? I was still unsatisfied with my fat body.

Then, at one point I became so consumed with the disorder that I could hardly think of anything else.  I spent every minute thinking about exercise and food. I even got frustrated when people would eat around me, it made me nauseous, uncomfortable and mad. MAD that they got to eat these delicious treats and I deserved none because I wasn't skinny enough to eat. I angered me, I would have fits when people would eat around me, I didn't think it was fair.

My insomnia was worse than ever, I would stay awake late at night, my belly rumbling because it was empty and the thought of eating the next day gave me some comfort. However, no food would arrive the next day. This vicious cycle would torment me on a daily basis.

I was down to 98 pounds or so. It was driving me crazy because I was a stick. A literal stick, wind resistance would catch me off guard. I didn't care though. I still wanted to lose weight. I felt that I was not at the perfect size yet. There was no one to set me out of my ways. I was uncomfortable in my own body and in my life. I didn't want to be around my family however, I didn't want to be by myself. I hated everything. There was no joy for me; I was obsessed with this online community who cared nothing about me. I wanted to know everything about losing weight and I felt jealous when others were losing and I wasn't. It became some type of competition. I would try to eat fewer calories than anyone around me. It was horrible.

I had signed up for a 5k run because I had to participate in an outside event for my jogging class. My mom said if it wasn't for school, I wouldn't have been allowed to go. I signed up, and the morning of the race I weighed in at 91.6 lbs. YES!!!! I had lost weight and that was the lowest it had ever been. I allowed myself breakfast which was fruit, yogurt, and granola. I ate but immediately after felt guilty so I threw it up. I knew that I was going out to eat with my best friend and didn't want to "overindulge". I ran my race, I thought I did well. However, I didn't even stick around to enjoy the after party because there was so much food and snacks available that I didn't want to give into temptation. I left the event. Lonely and miserable, I went to work and just existed the rest of the day till dinner.

Because, that’s what I did. I simply just existed. I had no personality. I had a huge temper problem and no one wanted to be around me because I was a life sucker. My mom hardly ever talked to me. I was on an edge. I was high off my own self-inflicted disease. I was out of control and I didn't know how to stop. I wanted to be normal so bad, but I couldn't.

One day, I was so sick of everything, I just confessed to my mom. She was firm and explained that she knew everything. She knew I was sick. She knew I was killing myself. However, she couldn't help me. I needed to help myself because she didn't know how. She said she would be there every step of the way. Emotionally, I was so weak. Mentally, I destroyed my mother. She was frail and unknowing of the situation. She didn't know what to do. She wanted me to get better so bad; however, I didn't know how. She asked if I wanted treatment. But the one thing that never left me was my pride. I didn't want to admit defeat, so I told her I would do it all alone, without treatment. She said she would help me in any possible way that she could.

I finally got help from my mom. She and I have been through so much. I think I killed both of us inside. But slowly we both have been dealing with the problems. Weight is something we tend not to judge anymore, she tells me I’m perfect and healthy now. She just encourages me to eat all the time. She respects that I am vegan.

I am weight-restored; however, it doesn't mean that I am satisfied with my body. I do still have issues; however, they are not as daunting. Instead of "I wish I weighed 10 lbs. less" its, "I want to be able to run 15 miles non-stop" or "I want to make my calves huge and strong". I am concentrating more on muscle build-up instead of weight. I no longer count calories and glad to say I actually have a personality now. I got over a negative place in my life and now I emerged a strong individual. I was able to complete a whole marathon because I am healthy. I would not have been able to do that if I was weak and frail. I thank my mom for all the love and support that she gave me. I love my sisters who think I am perfect regardless of all my flaws. I thank my best-friend for supporting me and always being there to talk to. I thank my family who was sooo concerned. Through this situation I learned who my real friends were. To be honest, there isn't very much.

Life if full of experiences and emotional trauma. However, it takes a strong individual to face the challenge of everyday life and survive the pressures placed on them as a warrior. This has been a life-changing experience; I try to appreciate life with more. I enjoy waking up and challenging myself every day. I do push myself to the limit, but I try to do it in a healthy way.

Eating disorders are a serious health illness; however there is a way out. It takes a strong and determined team to stop it. If you know anyone showing signs of and eating disorder please help before they are too self-consumed in the disease.

Symptoms of possible disorder:

-refusal to eat

-restrictive diet

-unexplained weight loss

-rapid mood swings

-hiding food

-going to the restroom or taking a shower immediately after eating

-eating fast

-eating too slow (just stirring the food on their plate over and over again)

*the above are things that I though off, the following list is from online sources:

Dramatic weight loss Wearing loose, bulky clothes to hide weight loss Preoccupation with food, dieting, counting calories, etc. Refusal to eat certain foods, such as carbs or fats Avoiding mealtimes or eating in front of others Preparing elaborate meals for others but refusing to eat them Exercising excessively Making comments about being “fat” Stopping menstruating Complaining about constipation or stomach pain Denying that extreme thinness is a problem (webmd).