Hungry for Change

I was intrigued to watch this documentary with guest speakers such as David Wolfe, Kris Carr, Jon Gabriel, Evita Rampartae, Joe Cross, Frank Ferrante, and many more. I found it very inspiring that they want you to focus you’re eating behaviors off of processed foods and switch to a whole foods diet that has been processed as few times as possible. They offer personal testimonies from raw food and juicing gurus. However, it lacks incentives. I feel that the main character they chose to portray the "average American" that is supposed to be "moody, depressed and non-confident" looked the complete opposite; I felt that she looked healthy and vibrant with great skin. She just seemed to stress the fact that she was gloomy because of her awful diet. Another issue that I had with the film is that they didn't describe any specific diet; they were just blaming bad foods such as processed, aspartame, and others. However, besides gelatinous foods such as aloe vera and chia seeds, I don't recall them specifying anything that would help clean up your diet. One just makes the assumption that they are talking about healthy food such as fruits and vegetables.

The information that was presented seemed logical and it seemed like the basic information that we hear all the time however, people fail to face up to the facts:

-Hunters and Gatherers: High food, low calories

     It is deemed that we are natural hunters and gatherers who depend on the earth that surrounds us. This means that we rely solely on fresh fruits and vegetables, nuts and seeds, and the occasional portion of meat when there was a successful kill. Now that processes have been simplified for us, our energy expenditure has been reduced and we no longer have to search for our food. To make this food easy to find and accessible year long, we have transferred it so it no longer is high quality. Our food is no longer "high food, low Cal" it now is "low food, high Cal".

-Humans are programed for fat and sugar

            I agree with this statement. As presented, we relied on the food that was provided for us. People were susceptible to constant famine because they couldn't depend on preserved food as we do today. Therefore when our bodies tasted something sugary like fruit or fat such as nuts, avocados, and seeds our brains automatically sent a signal to our body to continue to feed us more. We needed to pack on the calories and stock up our reserves for future use. Now, we constantly have food surrounding us. Therefore, we do not need this "preserve for famine" mechanism that our bodies have programmed into us. However, people are still addicted to sugar. Americans today are eating as much as 22 tsp. of TABLE sugar. If this sugar was the sugar naturally found in fruits and veg, I wouldn't mind because it comes with fiber and vitamins and minerals. However, this is not the case; table sugar is refined and greatly contributing to the obesity problems today.

-Starving on a nutritional level.

            The documentary talked about how the body is still hungry for nutrients even when you are "full". The body knows how to regulate itself and causes you to still crave or want more food because it is lacking certain aspects of its diet. This causes people to over-eat and gain weight because they are feeding themselves the wrong things. I lead to a vicious cycle with body fat, diabetes and weight gain.

            I agree that there are so many people starving even though they do happen to be overweight. If you look at the diet of many obese or overweight people you will find it filled with refined carbs such as bread, rice, pasta, cookies, table sugar, cereal, bacon, eggs, oil, etc. Little in there do you find whole foods such as STEAMED or BAKED potatoes, veg, fruit, whole grains, non-fat dairy products. Little vitamins and minerals are included in their diet. Therefore these individual's bodies force them to eat, yet they continue to pick items that are void of nutritional value so their hunger is unfulfilled. This is why these people get sicker than the lean and healthy people who happen to just eat "rabbit food".

-Yo yo dieting

Self-explanatory, will continue in another blog

-Food-like products; shelf life

            Corporations only goal is to make you consume their products. They do not care what they put in it as long as they make a profit. In order to make a profit they need to make the product last a long time, therefore they put many preservatives to make a long self-life.

            I secretly think that the government is allowing individuals to get fat because obesity and weight is a good marketing practice. The fatter people are the more industries will make money on weight loss programs and equipment. Also nationally, so much money is spending on overweight people; they make good research projects as well as help boost the economy because they have so many medical bills.

-Low energy, fog in cognition.

            There is no will in self-responsibility. No one is willing to accept the fact that they control their body and they are the ones who feed themselves therefore they are the ones responsible for the outcomes of their food choices. They are responsible for the amount of activity and type of lifestyle they life which is result effects the status of their health. They don't want to come to terms with this idea therefore they want the easy exit and expect a doctor to prescribe a pill that will solve all their problems due to poor health.

-MSG is found in 80% of food9

            MSG is an additive commonly found in food. Its affect is that it invites you to eat more and incites brain to activate fat programs to store fat and cause you to gain weight.

-Aspartame and caffeine combined are a deadly combination

            When these two chemicals are combined they kill brain cells. People are addicted to these chemicals in the form of diet soda because it creates a buzz. It also a legal and "guilt free" since it provides no extra calories. The effects of these deadly combos are migraines, frontal lobe inflammation, visual disturbances, neurologic problems, cognitive problems, precursor to cancer, carb cravings (leads to over eating). Studies have also shown that people who drink diet soda to control their weight actually end up fatter than they started.

-HFCS (high fructose corn syrup)

            HFCS is refined chemically modified sugar. It is often compared to crack cocaine.

The number one thing I attained from this documentary is that FOOD KILLS MORE PEOPLE THAN DRUGS COMBINED.

Yes, unfortunately this is true. People are literally eating themselves to death and not thinking twice about it. If you were at a family reunion, no one would think twice if you consumed hot dogs, burgers, nachos, ice cream, ribs, wings, chips, cake, cookies, candy, soda, etc. within a few hours. However, people would "cut you off" if you consume about five alcoholic drinks in one or two hours. People will especially panic if they saw you doing illicit drugs. Yet, because food is legal and we have complete control of what we eat, it has the power to consume our life and lead to our grave.

These are the main points that I got from the documentary, watch for yourself and create your own opinions towards it.

Torn between raw life

I have been debating whether or not I should stick to a raw food diet or a cooked high carb vegan diet. It is mentally daunting to go out and experiment. However, I do not think that I am experiencing all the benefits from a raw diet. Sure I have clear eyes, great digestion. However, my acne is getting out of hand. I am starting to develop more acne than I have ever had in my life.

I am avoiding vegetables that I used to consume often such as: carrots, potatoes, sweet potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, squash, mushrooms, cabbage, and chayote. I used to eat these foods in abundance and now I have started to avoid them.

I also don't think that it is healthy to spend so much time fixated on food. I constantly am aware if I am practicing proper food combining and if I am not, I start to panic and think, "aww man I am going to pay for this later". I automatically psyche myself into believing that I am not going to have good digestion or anything. It’s not right. Also, there are certain textures that I do miss and can't satisfy on a raw diet. I really miss bread. Some people take something so simple such as a PB&J for granted, however it’s the thing that I miss the most. I miss having a peanut butter sandwich. I also miss warm soups.

I am going to try my hardest to not eat any artificial products and make all of my food. However, it is hard. Mentally I think that I am bound to a raw diet. I feel like if I eat something cooked, I will gain weight like crazy and be miserable. However, it shouldn't be like that. I should be happy the way I eat. And to be honest, sometimes my food seems so boring. I don't want to eat a salad.

Concentrating too much on eating. I do think that I spend way too much time eating. I think that the body needs time to be able to digest and I do not give it enough time. I am constantly worried about "getting in my calories" and making sure I don't fall behind. However, I think I will just end up fat because I keep shoveling food down my throat. Then I have started coming up with bad habits such as eating when not hungry, always munching on something when on the computer, taking too much time preparing one type of food. It is honestly quiet sad. I want to be able to eat and go. I also don't want to be paranoid and I just want to be a healthy normal person.

Benefits that I will forever thank the raw food diet for.

1. The first and foremost benefit that I have discovered is that I no longer have a calorie fixation. I am trying to eat until I am full (and stopping there). However, as stated before I continue to eat, even when I am not hungry. I also tend to turn into a sloth because all I want to do now is sit down and eat.

2. I have discovered other passions in life; I now make running a priority and was able to complete my first marathon ever. This is all due to the mental power that I experienced on the raw food diet.

3. A greater compassion and connection to the environment. If it wasn't for this lifestyle I don't think I would have watched films like: Fathead, Hungry for Change, Earthlings, Dive, Fat Sick and  nearly Dead, Food Inc., etc. These films have educated me on the waste production, food production, and ethical treatment of our environment.

4. Health benefits: reduction of headaches, better sleeps, clear eyes, clear mental thinking, not so fatigued anymore.

5. New appreciation for pure fruits and vegetables. I now love to eat fruits and vegetables and find them appealing in their natural form.

However, I am still young and learning many factors of life. This was a chapter that has helped change me in a way. I was able to develop as a person. I evolved into someone who cares more about the environment. I do feel a bit of guilt for not staying raw; however I am going to maintain a high raw diet. Hopefully I will eat about 75-90 percent raw.

Through this experience many things from the raw diet that have affected my decision to go back to cooked follow:

1. No periods; I am not sure why but I feel that the lack of fat in my diet contribute to this. I do hope to have children in the future and don't want this situation to impede anything. Sure, I love not having to deal with a bloody mess every month; however I do think that women are meant to bleed--even if it is a short and light period.

2. Dry hair and skin; my hair is not as lustrous as experts claim it will become. I have a horrible dry skin problem. My hands are constantly cracked and they hurt so much.

3. Constantly worried about bad or improper food combination. I don't feel the liberty to eat what I want when I want. I psyche myself out of enjoyment.

4. The price of some foods is somewhat expensive. Dates can cost up to $8 a lbs. Lettuce isn't so cheap anymore. I can greatly reduce the cost by going cooked.

5. Family. I have encouraged my family to include more fruits and vegetables into their diet. However, I feel unattached to them because we haven't shared a full meal. I feel as if I am constantly deprived from certain situations and wish to be able to sit and eat what they are eating.

6. Outings. When I go out to eat, I want to experience the joy of trying something new. I haven't had the pleasure of trying new food or creations. What I eat does tend to be repetitive due to availability of ingredients and such. I do enjoy the food, however I crave something warm. Even something like a vegetable soup.

I will strive to continue to keep my life as pure as possible and not consume processed foods.

Mushroom salad

Mushroom salad

So, the only way that I can tolerate mushrooms is either cooked or dehydrated. I absolutely hate them raw.

I had a mad craving for mushrooms, so I sliced a few and set them in the oven at the lowest temperature possible until they were perfect (like 2-3 hours)

Salad: mixture of different lettuces, cucumber slices.

Pasta “topper” spiralized cucumbers, tomatoes, celery, green onions, tomatoes, mangoes.

Salad was topped with the dehydrated mushrooms, some avocado and a bit of onions

 TA-duh

I do have to apologize that I am not great at taking pictures. But at least you get the idea

Yo-Yo dieting

As a young female living in a media-driven society I know all about yo-yo dieting. It’s hard to lose those 5 lbs. so that you can look like a million bucks. Losing them FAST is easy. There are so many diets out there that cause you to restrict your calories and increase your exercise so you lose about 4 lbs. a week. These diets are unhealthy and unsustainable.

What happens in the end? All the weight dropped was water weight.

1.  All your muscles released water that was stored from glucose molecules (most diets tend to be low carb).

2. You get famished from your starvation diet, your body craves nutrients and because you aren’t receiving them it tends to ask for more (in abundance).

3. You stop exercising; your body did not have enough time to adjust itself to the new exercise regime because you started off too quick. You exhaust yourself and excuse yourself to a couch-potato lifestyle.

4. You go back to decadent fatty foods and gain weight. You blame the carbs.

5. You step on the scale only to figure out you regained the initial 5lbs that you lost, with a bonus 4. What can I say; you have always been an overachiever.

6. You hate your body, think life sucks, and eat your weight in ice cream.

This whole process repeats itself in life so many times because people are so uneducated about diets and healthy lifestyle.

I have yo-yoed plenty of times in life. Only to create a deadly obsession with weight loss and trying to keep it off permanently.What have I learned?

I learned that no one should "diet". A diet is a term that should be left for people who are clinically ill in hospitals and NEED to restrict their calories for any reason. Also, the second someone goes on a diet, is the second that they start to over-indulge. They often eat the "last binge" which occurs more often than people think. They then can't stop this endless cycle of eating and restricting.

When individuals go through this, their poor bodies are confused. They think they are in a famine; our bodies are beautiful pieces of machinery that are biologically infused with "adaptation". Our ancestors lived in unpredictable times, often food was scarce and they ate what they could. Instead of starving one’s body and dying. The body, which fought for life, went into a "starvation mode" where it stored all the fat and carbs that were consumed. That way when the body had ample food, it would store extra energy needed to survive these bought of famine. Unfortunately, our bodies kept this adaptation process. We no longer have to starve because we have access to a plethora of food year-round. Thus the "starvation mode" process still plays a big role in people's lives.

When people diet they tend to pick high protein or a variation of a low carb diet. This creates chaos. Our bodies are naturally wired to respond to fat and carbs. So when we cease consuming these products, the second it taste something sweet or fatty-its programed to keep eating. Haven't you ever gone a whole day without food or enough food and the second someone offered you something like fried chicken, cookies, cereal, pizza, pasta, etc. you kept eating and you literally couldn't stop yourself. If you realize, all these items contain high amounts of fat or high amounts of refined carbs. Your body needed instant energy as it was devoid of anything. However, our bodies have a certain amount of nutrients it craves; it also probably felt depleted from it. Because it was starved, it turned on a switch that told it to keep eating until it fulfilled the gap.

Now what happens to you emotionally? You are overwhelmed and shocked with what you just ate. You feel disgusted that you spent such a long time trying to lose weight only to gain it back rapidly. You are mad that you have no self-control. However, this whole episode was not due to self-control. Your body knows how to regulate itself, it’s the law of homeostasis (whether we gain weight from boredom eating or unhealthy habits, is completely our own fault). The worst thing that happens in this situation is that you end up depressed. 

So how can we avoid all of this? I DON'T believe in calorie restriction. I also don't believe in the over consumption of fat and protein. I do believe that we should focus on a whole foods diet (whether it be raw or not). If you are not able to consume a pure raw diet that gets the majority of its calories from fruits. I do advocate depending on another carbs.

Steamed/boiled/baked potatoes without added ingredients work best. However, I also encourage the consumption of corn, yams, and squash as the first alternative to fruit carbs. However if you are finding it difficult to just consume pure fruits and vegetables you might want to switch to grains such as rice, corn pasta, quinoa, whole wheat cous cous or wheat (last result as it causes inflammation of the belly "wheat belly" http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/wheat-belly)

I highly recommend that people fill up on high quality carbohydrates because our bodies run predominately on glucose. We store copious amounts of glucose in the form of glycogen; if our brain lacks glycogen then we are not able to function properly. Our body also has a limited amount of glycogen storage, but unlimited fat storage. That’s why when people eat a Twinkie and gain weight they blame the carbs instead of the actual culprit: fat. When you eat less fat, your body burns off the extra fat because you are relying purely on carbs. If you are trying to lose weight it takes about 1700 calories LESS to lose weight when basing your diet on carbs than on fat

(http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&lr=&cites=15049098259192400432&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&ei=Dg5FUZe1LpCxqQHZ-IGIBg&ved=0CFcQzgIwAg).

So, to  cut this down to the point. Eat a healthy amount of food to promote health and weight loss. A healthy amount of food means eating until you are full and feel good, not starving when you feel mood swings. When you eat enough carbs your body should have the desire to participate in physical activity-walking, dancing, etc. Also, base your diet around carbs. It is healthier and more

sustainable to lose weight slowly. Hence you don't end up feeling fatigue or famished at the same time.  

Remember, the faster you lose the weight, the faster you regain it.

I DID IT!

So very sorry that I didn't post anything yesterday. I was extremely tired and just hung out with my family.

So, do you want to know my experience? It was horrible, exhausting, and dreadful, I wanted to quit yet it was magical, exciting, transforming and very uplifting. It was a bag full of mixed emotions. You are happy because you are liberated and doing something incredible, however you are super sore and hating this self-imposed torture! When you are on your last mile, all you can think is that you are NEVER doing this again, however once you get to the finish line and feel invincible you immediately start making plans for your next race. You realize the mistakes that you made and want to improve your time and everything. Well, for me this experience seemed like a heart-attack on a pair of shoes.

I woke up super excited and motivated and immediately drank some orange juice and ate like 4 clementines. I sipped water throughout the morning so I wouldn't be so fatigued. My mom dropped me off at the starting line around 5:45. I ate two coco-lara bars and a banana while I also continued to sip some water. After I saw that there was one hour left for the race, I decided to use the bathroom. It was a good thing that I went "before I had to go" because the wait time was 45 min so I REALLY REALLY had to use the restroom once I got to the front of the line.

I made small talk with some of the other marathoners. It was my first marathon and I was running it solo, it seemed like everyone else was already in a group. I tried to recite a positive affirmation to keep my focus. I wanted to finish so badly. That was my main goal. My nerves were starting to race once I found out the three division start times had past, we were next. I took off my sweater and abandon it at the Dodger's Stadium. Because there was so many people huddled together, I was able to keep warm. The start bell/gun went off at 7:35 but I didn't cross the start line till about

7:45 (remember there are 25,000 people participating in the race). I was quiet excited because I just saw a sea of bright colors (green was the official shirt's color). I was excited, I tried to keep my pace and I felt wonderful. It was cool to run with other people, doing what I love with other strangers. I kept thinking that this time, no one was going to be able to interfere with my running. It was amazing to be cheered on.

(Side note) Men are disgusting! We weren’t even one mile in and they all lined up on a wall to relieve themselves. Seriously, there are port-a-potties located everywhere! I kept running, I was keeping an average pace and thankfully my hip wasn't bothering me at the time being. "I got this," I kept repeating to myself. I was in charge of my body, of my race. Nothing was going to interfere. THEN I saw the thing that would bring me to my death. It as a monstrous hill. Ok, I can run this I told myself. I agreed that I was able to run slower and then just go a little faster on the downhill part. I did just that, miraculously I was doing pretty good time wise. By mile 7-8 my hip began to act up. It felt like I had displaced something. My left hip seemed to go to the left while my body was

going to the right. It fought me at every movement, I wanted to cry but I just let out a breath and remembered my sister. If that little monster was able to run around the house while wearing a cast, then I can run this marathon.  

I continued. Finally I reached 13 miles. I was half-way done. Time-wise, it wasn't so bad either, 2:15:33 (I’m not sure about the seconds aha) I thought if I kept up the pace I would finish it in 4 hrs. and 30 mins which was my goal. Mentally, I was feeling good about myself, physically I was drained. I didn't feel like I had any more energy or strength left in me. I was surely going on my will/mental power from here on out. I wanted to quit. As I passed the medical booth, I wanted to stop and tell them that my hip felt dislocated or something. However, I told myself to wait till the next one and see how I felt then. Another thing that kept me in the race was knowing that my mom and sisters were at the end watching, my friends knew I was running, the fact that I wanted to wear the marathon shirt, and my own pride. I must admit, my pride is what kept me in the most. I feel that I would disappoint myself so much and I would feel like a failure if I didn't complete it.

So I somehow convinced myself to stay in the race. I was forced to take some stops. Pedestrians would huddle up and just cross the street in front of you. Stretching is a must; your calves will thank you. Also, the lines to get your ankles sprayed for icy-hot are super long near the end of the line. You must remember, your nerves are a high, and you are drinking water throughout the race, and if you were properly hydrated you probably made a few bathroom trips throughout the race.

It was one of the hardest things I ever done in my life. A marathon is not about physical power, it’s about being mentally capable to overcome everything. I wanted to give up after each mile. I wanted to stop at each medical center. However, I was able to mentally convince myself that I would be ok, that I would make it in the end. I had to finish the race because people were depending on me. When I saw I had reached mile 24. I knew I had come a long way already. That was the longest that I had ever run in my entire life. I was so close to finishing; there was no way I was going to stop now. If I thought that mile 18-24 felt long.

The last mile, mile 25 felt eternal. I knew my mom was going to be there, I tried to look for her in the crowd. I don't know if it's because you’re physically and mentally exhausted, but I kept hallucinating. I felt like I kept seeing my mom and neighbor in separate locations. As I approached the finish line, I thought I missed them. But about 200 meters before, I hear someone call my name. IT WAS MY DAD!!! I love my mom to death and my sisters. However, I knew and expected them to be there. But my dad isn't very emotional and he doesn't go to these types of events, so when I saw him I got excited and I got some newfound energy. Me, being stupid and all started running in the opposite direction, towards my family. They screamed at me to turn around and finish the race. I did just that, I started sprinting. I finished and I didn't know if I wanted to cry, scream, or just collapse. But the feeling of accomplishment is one of the best things that anyone can experience.

While running the marathon, I told myself that I would never ever torture myself through a marathon again. However, once you finish, you feel invincible and you can't wait to try it again next year. I met my family and they all congratulated me. Telling me they were so proud of me and that it was a major task that I just finished. It was epic. I even encouraged my mom and sisters to do a 5 k. It’s amazing.  

Now I can't wait to start training for next year, I already made a very quick mental plan of how I am going to do things differently. lol

1 DAY TO GO!

Can you say very anxious?

I know I am feeling it. I am starting to get super nervous; my hip hurts a lot today. I even spent a lot of time sitting down at work, I hate sitting down there because it makes me feel lazy. However, I did and I hope it all works out for tomorrow. I am supper excited because I am getting the whole family involved in a way. They keep asking questions because they are driving me there and picking me up. We haven't really done anything as a family because of my crazy work schedule, thus this is the first time we do something in a while. 

I also think that we are going to visit my aunt after the race, which I get super excited about because I haven't been there in a long time. I adore my aunt; she is a very kind and selfless individual. She loves hearing about my life and is non-judgmental; she does give advice that helps tremendously. So in a way, the faster I run, the faster I can go to my aunt’s house-good incentive huh?

As I stated before, I am dedicating this run to my baby sister. I will keep her with me as the joy and courage that I need within myself to continue through the race. It warms my heart that I am capable of receiving love and encouragement.

Two days to go!

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

This is what I imagine everyone feeling because it is such a lovely day outside today. However, I am filled with nerves and anxiety. The LA Marathon is two days away! At this point in time I actually regret signing up for it. If you think about 26.2 miles is a long distance, then more than people travel to work in a single day! I know this would be a major accomplishment for me, I know I will love saying that I completed it. However, I am super nervous.

One of the main reasons why I am a bundle of nerves is because my hip has not healed completely. I realized that last Wednesday, I did hill work and went on the adductor and abductor machines, I did happen to increase the weight a little. Perhaps, I wasn't ready for a weight increase, therefore my hip joint must have popped or overstretch, or something. Well, the point is that it still has not healed and I worry that it is going to have an effect on my running tomorrow. I really hope that I can finish the race. At first my goal was to run it in under 4 hrs. and 30 min, how I hope that I can complete it in about 5 hours at the LEAST.
I am feeling a bit apprehensive; I haven't run this whole week due to health reasons. So to take five day break and then dash for the race is kind of daunting. I hope that my parents will make it in time to watch me finish. I would love that tremendously. I have been dreaming of this day for about a whole year. My legs are getting a bit shaky as I say this, but I want to be a runner. I want to wake up and feel the urge, the necessity to run in my life. I somewhat already experience this, as I was not able to sleep a wink last night. I went to bed, trying to get well rested after a hectic week of school, and I couldn't fall asleep. I did so many things to try to fall asleep. I even got out of bed and went to the playroom and hoped I would fall asleep in there (it has worked in the past) but I didn't. My mommy says it might be nerves or stress, as to my group hasn’t been cooperative. Either way, I got two hours of sleep that night and surprisingly I was not fatigued throughout the day.  

Other than that, life has been somewhat chaotic. My little sister has a hairline fracture on her foot (completely my fault). She was on the grill of my cruiser bike, and her foot got caught up in the wheel. It’s my entire fault because I was the one who told her to hop on and now my beautiful 4 year old baby sister is going to be scarred for the rest of her life. It’s going to hurt every time I see her foot, it’s completely destroyed and it’s my entire fault. My mom says to be thankful that nothing else happened. Truthfully, I am, I thought that I killed her or something more severe had happened. When we were riding the bike, she started screaming and I looked down and one of her shoes was on the floor. I quickly stopped and rushed her to the corner were I examined the damaged and was horrified at the sight of her bleeding foot. I imagined that her foot was chopped off or something else happened. The good thing is that her skin--about four inches--was scrapped off, nothing serious happened. But I will always be mad at myself for letting that happen to her. She is my sister, I am supposed to care and protect her, yet I injured her in a way.

The good thing is that she is healing, being bossy while at it. She starts to demand things. But I get a sense of joy when I find her on my bed playing. It makes me feel as if she still loves me. That

gives me the most joy in life. In a way, I want to dedicate the marathon to her. She inspires me to try hard despite my messed up hip. She remains a happy bubble little kid who has not let the cast get in the way of her life. She will always be my remarkable younger sister. I love the curly haired little monkey!

No friends?

I can't recall the names of the study at the moment; however, I remember reading that the average American has only one or two people whom they feel they can trust. These people normally are family members (moms) who you feel will love you unconditionally no matter what. (Side note) In my sociology class, we also learned that mothers are the only people who can ever love their children unconditionally. I don't find this information shocking at all as we live in a society that is dependent of technological communication. Our main way of keeping in touch it others is through text-messages, Facebook, emails, twitter, etc. That being said, I don't think many people have "real" friends.

Friends, as I have often found in the past are just people who use you for their convenience. When these individuals are bored, they want to hang out with you, when they need your assistance, they call upon you for help. When your friend want to show off/impress someone or needs to be consoled, that’s when you are sleeked out in their life. Why do you think that so many people starting relationships go haywire? However, when they are going through relationship drama, they call you to vent or complain about their significant other. 

I digress.....

I have never been a social butterfly. I consider myself even-tempered (a bit serious), I can be funny at times. However, I have never been able to "draw" people towards me. I can't really attract and keep friends. I never understood why, I would often go out of my way for them, change plans, or just "go with the flow" in order to please people. But it would always result in the same fashion; I would be called a bitch, boring, fat-ass, etc. I thought there was a huge problem with me. Endless of times I would sit and cry my eyes out in front of my mom. Countless of times she would help me mend my open wounds. She looked me in the eye and told me, "maybe you are not the problem, but the problem is the people you chose to be friends with." Those words struck me hard. I was skeptical to believe them at first because my mom was there trying to console me.

With time, I figured that maybe my mom was right. The people who I have been choosing to be friends with do have very different views from me. They have different views and priorities in life. Even in college where everyone is trying to better them, I feel like I stand out and don't fit with the crowd. I do tend to keep to myself, but that is because at one point in time, I lost faith in people. I no longer wanted to assimilate with a group of egocentric people who only care about material worth. Also, compared to the people I go to school with, I have a completely different lifestyle. I live at home, have little children in the house that I help care for, work, and currently am taking on two internships. It’s very difficult to juggle all these items and find time for family and some "free time" for myself where I can go out and have fun. So most of the time when my school friend as me to go places, I already have a schedule down. It honestly sucks because from so many times that I have said "I really can't" they don't even bother asking me anymore. From then on, we even loose communication.

The good thing is that I try to not let things like this bother me. I tend to be more family oriented. I'm trying to talk to my younger sisters more and be friendlier with them, because I want them to come to me when they have problems. They are little but they are NOT children, they are my family with their own individual concerns that happen to be at a different level from mine. I want to show them that friends come and go, however to find a good friend, you may search the universe and end up finding that you didn't have to go farther than your household to find a great companion.

Perfection

There have been multiple times that I look into the mirror and just see the huge zits over my face, the discoloration in my skin due to sun damage, or even hating the shape of my body. There have been many times that I think to myself that I am not smart enough, not quick to think on my feet, not as sociable as the common butterflies that I observe in class/school. There is an overwhelming desire to be perfect. I am the oldest child in my family, my parents do not demand much of me however they still expect me to be a good role model.

The pressures that I put on myself are the greatest pressures that anyone has ever placed on me. My parents only want me to be happy and succeed in anything that I chose to do in life. My sisters will love me and respect me always because I am their "second mom". My friends--the ones who are real--accept me for the person that I am. However, I have a desire to be perfect. That same desire has led to many depressive episodes in my life that I still happen to battle. I have competitive personality where I happen to compare myself with people whom I admire (or envy).
What is perfect? Perfection is an unattainable goal that drives people mad. In order to reach this "goal" an individual ends up hurting those that they love and care for. They end up with less than what they started with.  

Because I have a competitive personality, I try to be the best person at school. When placed in a group project, I tend to take the leadership role so that the assignment would be done right and my grade won’t suffer. Unfortunately, my luck isn't so great and I always get stuck with peers who honestly just want to breeze through school and don't care about striving for their best. They are always passive and never put more than the minimum effort in the project. I also try to be the best role model for my young sisters. My siblings are all girls of the ages 11, 7, and 4. They are young and the world today is a sad place to live in. There is so much chaos and torture that they are exposed to on a daily basis that I just want to make sure that they have some type of direction to follow. I hope that they aspire to become successful and humble people in life.

I also try to be the perfect daughter. Helping my mother whenever possible. To her, she may not realize it or consider it to be a big deal, I owe my crazy schedule. I try to revolve my work/school/and internship schedules around my mom/sisters daycare and school hours so that I can help her out as much as possible. I try to make time to take them to school, pick them up and be there for them.

Sometimes it's very stressful because it leaves little time for myself. I try to do the basic chores such as cleaning the kitchen, restrooms, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, going to the grocery store, making dinner when I am home or waking up 10-15 min earlier to pack my sister's lunch so they have something nutritious to eat. However, I feel that sometimes she takes it for granted. One day, she told me that she does everything quick and that I take my time for things. She was referring to the fact that I take "2 hrs on breakfast". But I eat my BF at the computer so I can catch up with reading or emails. It really did hurt. I felt that she didn't feel the effort I make to help HER. So my strive to be "perfect" intensified. I however, ended up miserable and tired. I was often lethargic and not sleeping properly. I would want to isolate myself and wallow in my on misery. I even went as far as ignoring my family, not wanting to be around them when I was home so I could finally have some "me" time.

I am now learning how to let go. I know that it isn't physically or mentally possible to be perfect. That strive led up to a dark place. I was lead to a world of starving myself as a punishment. There are more reasons to my anorexia, however, the strive for perfection was the main one. It was a dark and ugly place that I wish never to return to. I also hope that no one else follows through the same experience. I am not going to lie. To this day, I still look in the mirror and am disgusted with what I see. However, those days are being outnumbered. I have to remember that I have a wonderful family who accepts me and LOVES me no matter what. They will tell me when I am unhealthy or wallowing in my own pity. They will help me when something traumatic happens in my life and support me. That is what perfection now means to me, to have a people who support you despite the circumstances.  

We are all our own individuals, so if we were all perfect, there would be no excitement in life. There would be no reason to work. What dietician would have to consult a patient if everyone ate a perfect diet? What surgeon would have to operate a broken knee from an accident? What need would there to create new programs, toys, reforms, inventions if we would have everything we need. Perfection is a lie. Our lives strive on our mistakes. Our flaws run society; it helps us see what is wrong. 

So now, I try not to concentrate on my acne, on my dry skin, or even on the mismatched socks that I wear. I strive to motivate myself to be a human. One of a kind, one that doesn't cause harm to others (unless needed lol). I strive to make something out of myself, something where I am happy. That is why no one should strive to be perfect, we should all try to concentrate on bringing peace to our souls.

Bad hip, National Women's Day

Waking up with a bad hip when you are training for marathon less than 8 days away is very daunting and nerve-wrecking. It’s a pain that I can't describe since I never had any major injury. It somewhat feels like my hip wants to move in the opposite direction that it is supposed to go. My worry is that it won't get better and that it will interfere with my ability to complete the marathon. However, I am trying to be optimistic and only look forward to the better. I hope that plenty of rest will help my pain. I was reading that during the tapering period of a marathon, one is supposed to feel new aches and pains that one has been surprising for such a long time during training. I do feel my knee acting up and my ankles feel all strange. However, I assume that all of these sensations are normal. I was talking to my friend who has previously done the marathon, she said that you start off with a hill, that made me nervous, however I rather start off with a hill than end with one. I feel like it should be a good run. I have to remember my mantra, "I'm strong, I'm fast, I'm speed, and I’m light". It’s a technique that we have been practicing in yoga and I find it quiet uplifting. 

There have been predictions for rain in the last couple of days and last night it started pouring. It rained so hard that I got up just to see what the commotion was. After seeing the intense rain I thought that running today was going to be out of the question. I was awaken by the bright sun (the best way to wake up), confused as to I was expecting the rain. I got excited because that meant that I was able to go out for a short run. My run was very slow of course because I don't want to cause any more damage, however I don't want to get out of the habit of running.

As for my rant of the day:group projects again! 

Yes, I don't mean to bore you with this topic however, I need to vent. So, I feel as I have been doing about 70-85% of all the assignments thus far. It turns out that my friend decides that she wants to play group leader and assign everyone their part on the next homework. Ok, that doesn't sound bad does it? In theory, it seems as if she is trying to get the whole group on the same page to ensure the success of the project.......
anger coming......HOW is she going to take over and assign each person a topic if she hasn't contributed to the project at all. She is basically telling everyone that she is the group leader. It makes no sense, sure she is the person who is communicating and typing up the homework DIRECTIONS online. These two task, seem futile to me. The communication isn't helping and then why do you need to type the directions? We all have the printed instructions anyway. I don't think I would have minded as much if she would have contacted me and informed me of what plans she had. Or at LEAST asked me what part I wanted to pick. She just took it upon herself to control all the major decisions. I can't believe she did that.

Rant over.....TBC

National Women's Day
I have to change the subject and not leave you guys in a depressed state right? Today, we should celebrate all women everywhere! Here is to all the mothers, daughters, sisters, everywhere. All the work that gets done, support given, and dreams that were brought upon because of mothers and other women. They inspire up to continue to be wonderful people. I wish every women out there all the love and peace they can possible attain. To bad my mom isn't right next to me at the moment so I can give here a huge hug!!

2 Medjools + banana

1 Lara bar

Smoothie: 5 bananas 2 Medjools

Lunch: salad: apple, lettuce, 2 tomatoes, lime, and cucumber

               3 cups of grapes

               1 apple

               12 oz. of OJ

Dinner: 2 bananas

               1 baby banana

               I pear

1.5 cups of grapes

Dates (10 Deglat, 2 Medjools, 1 coconut Lara bar) 

Larabar day

Today I officially started tapering for the LA Marathon. I broke out my new Green Silence shoes (they are fantastic). 

I also did a little cleaning and some research for my project. It wasn't such an exciting day. I’m pretty sure you guys don’t want to read about how much fun I had at Target, The Dollar Tree, and the supermarket. Lol

Since today is my official “day off” I got to spend it at home. I made some fresh carrot juice for my mom and used the pulp to make pumpkin-carrot cookies for my sisters. I hate wasting food (even if I don’t eat it). I also made a really good salad, I kind of wish I would have made more. Then my sisters and I played a board game. After the game we just watched a Tinkerbelle movie until my parents returned from doing their taxes. 

It was a pretty relaxing day, so relaxing I haven’t even changed yet. Yes, I know its so disgusting.

It was more about housekeeping; I froze my bananas, made some “Lara bars”, and ate some very yummy food.

Food:

Breakfast: Before run, slices of jicama and cucumber while making my sister’s lunch

                 FIRST MONO MEAL 8 oranges, 4 cuties 

 Snack: handful of raisins while making Larabars

Lunch: 2-3 cups of grapes, 2 cuties

Dinner: Noodle salad: spiralized cucumber, 2 tomatoes, onion, cilantro, lettuce, avocado, 2 small mangoes, dehydrated onions and mushrooms 

Snack: 2 apples, 1 small orange, 4 cuties while watching a movie 

Exercise: 6.40 miles, slow pace

Carrying my 45lbs sister for half a mile lol

I also made "Larabars"

Its actually a simple procedure, and instead of wrapping each ball individually like I normally do, I reused some of my date containers. It was actually a nice way to reuse the containers and I don't have to feel bad about throwing them away. 

Step 1. Blend up your chosen nuts (here I have: cashews, peanuts, sunflower seeds and flax seeds)

Step 2. Blend up your "goo" (here I have dates, prunes, raisins, pineapple, apricots and apple rings)

Step 3: form little balls and stuff them in a used date box or wrap them individually 

I made two flavors, the tropical nut ones (as for the moment I can't eat seeds or nuts except for coconut) so I also made "chocolate ones" which are carob powder, coconut flakes, dates, prunes, raisins.  

 I love licking my hands when I finish making these babies!

 Reuse, reuse, reuse!!!

 My banana stash!
......Yes, I was a monkey in my past life.

 These are perfect for smoothies, ice cream, or plain. I peel them then put them in Ziploc bags and freeze them. I love stocking up on them when they are on sale then just buying a few to eat fresh. (Think wisely people)

Food Waste

The other day I was as fortunate to go out to eat at Panera Bread. It has been one of my favorite restaurant because it offers a cozy environment and has a relaxing atmosphere. The food and the service have always been friendly. However, this weekend I witnessed something that shocked me. We were one of the last customers to leave the establishment; they were getting ready to close. I went to put back the honey jar that my friend was using for his Raspberry Ice Tea, I saw that they were getting ready to take out the trash and had about three large 60 or so gallon bags (the large clear ones) aligned by the door. I took no notice, thinking they were still collecting all of the trash. However, I did happen to glance at the bags and when I realized what was in it, I was so heartbroken. Three large industrial bags filled with fresh bread and food that was freshly prepared that same day. This food was all destined to the dumpster.

My heart sank; I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. Even though I do not consume this type of food, I don't feel it should be wasted or thrown in the garbage. My parents have always taught me that we are to try to conserve and not waste food. That it was a sin. I also feel that it is very wasteful to do so. It is immoral to have food on the table, enough that we have extra to toss away when there is an army of people who are suffering in the cold outside wishing to have the SCRAPS that we toss out.

All of that food that was in the bags could have easily gone to a homeless shelter or a food bank. It was fresh food that could have been in people's stomachs a few hours prior if they would have ordered it. However, because no one had wished to purchase these items they are
discarded. 

A few weeks ago I was watching a documentary called Dive, which talks about dumpster diving and how Americans are wasteful spenders. They buy, grow, and produce more food that is consumed. 50% of the food production is thrown directly in the trash. 50%, HALF of the food supply that we see in the supermarket is thrown in the trash. There is no point in wasting time, space, energy, and money on the production of this food because it is automatically going to go in the garbage. This is unfair and unethical for our planet.

I digress, back to our discussion about Panera. The next morning I told my mom about my feeling and views on the subject. I told her that it was unfair and that the employees should do
something, if the company won't donate it, the employees themselves should deliver the food to shelters and food banks. She voiced that most of these employees don't care, don't see the impact on the environment, and feel apathetic towards the rest of humanity. She also said that many of them might fear getting sued if someone gets sick from eating this food. I was quick to reply that the Good Samaritan Act of 1996 specifically protects those individuals and companies whom donate discarded food that can no longer be sold. If someone were to get sick, they are protected by the law because they were trying to give assistance to those in need. Therefore, no one should be afraid of any criminal charges. Thus, since no one is held liable then there should be no reason why people are not trying to help those in need. Yet it is happening every single day. 

When I was watching the documentary, I was shocked at everything that was happening. I knew it was happening, I learned the facts. However, I didn't feel the exact emotion of disgust and shame that I felt that day I went to Panera. That day, seeing everything visually, live and in person made a huge impact. It’s not the same as watching all the "garbage" that people throw out on television as witnessing it happen right in front of your face. That’s when we realize how disgusting people really are. How shameful it is that American citizens go through their lives throwing their fuel away. When I watched the documentary Dive, I vowed I was going to be as resourceful as possible. I no longer am going to toss food away because it looks unappealing. I am going to try to make the most of it possible. I now witness food being tossed out in mass quantities-because I admit, it’s different from tossing food at home. At home, you feel that it’s harmless, but in reality it does all add up. I am going to try my best to try to change those surrounding me. First, I am starting in my home. I am also writing a letter to Panera Breads, asking them why they don't change their policy and donate any food that they don't view as edible. I hope to start to change a few of the corporate companies around here in order to make our planet more sustainable. I want to ensure that future generations are not as wasteful as humankind is today. I want to make sure that my future children know how to care and treat their environment as it is precious. We only have one planet earth. As cheesy and cliché as it sounds, we do need to take care of it. Our life depends on this planet; we must do everything possible to ensure that.  

Today’s food
Bf/lunch: smoothie made from 5 bananas, spinach, 2 pears, 4 Medjools
Snack: handful of raisins
Dinner: apple, pear, 3-4 cups of grapes, 11 Medjools  
Exercise: 10.8 mile run, 20 min strength training, 20 min gentle meditation